LOL-The *Real* L-Word

O NOES. (Related: why does she always sit like that?)

LOLJumpingtheSubaru

Some may argue that this already happened, but who can resist trading our rich stories for cheap stuff? We say, Keep Jumping!

(But be sure to wear your 2008 Monza Waterski - it is the thouroghbred of the HO waterski Line. It is also the ski of choice for Will Asher, the current World and Masters Champion and Chris Parrish the current World Record Holder. Buy a pair now at OurChart.com!)

LOLFemaleMasculinity

ORLYSexpert?

We could call this one LOL Phoebe Sparkle from Season 2.

But it might be better labeled LOL Susie Bright, or even LOLNickels, really.

LOLkthxby

LOLTV

LOLStill

LOLMadness

Truth be told, The L-Word is almost never on our minds. Instead, we're only watching politics now, and our nightly dose of Rachel Maddow is the only thing keeping us sane these days. So, first up, we lol her, with all due respect:



And, we thank her, too, for helping us make sense of the madness - and never, ever frontin.

LOLStormingtheCastle

While watching the debate last night, we Princess Brides were once again stunned by John McCain's numerous, if ineffective, blaves. We somehow kept ourselves from yelling, "Liar, Liar, Liar" and "Humperdink, Humperdink, Humperdink" at the TV, and instead we settled into the audacity of hoping there will be no last-minute chocolate pill from Miracle Max.

These two storming the castle?

It will take a miracle.

(In other news, the new season of the L-Word? Still months away.)

LOLBishPls

Sorry to jump off topic, but we at the LOL-Word seem to be missing something. See, we girls know our lipstick, but we still haven't gotten a single lolz out of that What's-the-difference-between-a-hockey-mom-and-a-pit-bull-line that so many wingnuts find so hilarious.

So an loldog (lol Sarah Palin, really) seemed appropriate today.

With make-up or without, vicious is still vicious.

LOLHuntingtheSnark

We interrupt our usual lolcat speak to tell you a story about how we found ourselves not ROTF-LOLing when we stumbled upon the so-called “Sassy Commentary,” which aired alongside the NewNowNext awards program on LOGO. Stephen Guarino from LOGO's own “Big Gay Sketch Show” and comedian Mimi Gonzalez star as "two gays about to rip LOGO and its little awards show a new one." Sounds irresistible. (Also confusing! Considering that the NNN Awards air on LOGO TV.) Here are the top four lines from Guarino:

#1: His introductions
The big joke: Guarino introduces himself and then introduces Gonzalez as "Mimi Rodriguez."
Why it’s funny: She's Cuban after all, brown, and that sounds like a close enough name. When she calls him on his mistake, he's all "No Habla Espanol, okay?" Ha!
The lesson: Overt racism is funny. ROTFL!

#2: His knowledge base
The big joke: Guarino, who costars on “The Big Gay Sketch Show” with Rosie O’Donnell, Chastity Bono, Julie Goldman and Kate McKinnon, says, "Although I'm in gay programming, I'm very unknowledgeable about people. . . who don't have penises." Later, he says, “I only have one lesbian friend.”
Why it’s funny: He doesn’t know, like or need any women, including his coworkers and members of his community!
The lesson: Penisless people. Are they really people at all?

#3: His foot fetish
The big joke: In an out-of-the blue outburst, Guarino exclaims, "Ohh! Women's feet make me sick! Aughhhror! I'm gonna be sick!"
Why it’s funny: Women are gross.
The lesson: Men have better feet? Actually, we’re not sure what the lesson is here.

#4: His learning curve
The big joke: "I've been learning a lot about women who like women,” says Guarino. “I recently went to one of my first lesbian events, the GO Awards. I was the only man there, and I was scared for my life! That was the most aggressive, rough crowd - screaming, drunk, doing shots, whacking each others tits."
Why it’s funny: Lesbians are brutes.
The lesson: Women without men are scary.
Editor’s note: If anyone was there that night and roughly whacked tits, do tell! How did we miss such a great party?

After all this hilarity, Guarino concluded, “[Gay male and lesbian cultures] do not mix!” Gonzalez broke from her “she’s hot” commentary for a serious, albeit brief, moment, declaring, "I'm Old School Gay, and…we have to work together, because there are enough people trying to get us to fight each other. ACT UP, Lesbian Avengers, Queer Nation. Who remembers that? Not this generation!"

See, here's the thing about "sassy” commentary (a.k.a. snark). At its best, snark is smart cultural commentary, a funny way for the defenseless to chip away at the people in power. For teh gays, snarking evolved out of necessity—we may not be in a position of power but we can laugh at those who are! We can cheer our supporters and jeer our detractors. It’s The Little People's Weapon, and it has served us well. Snark is something "this generation" is supposed to understand. It’s not a way for us to pick on each other for no reason—that’s just petty meanness.

In this situation, the meanness is especially disheartening because it’s sponsored by our only TV network. So, effectively, we are taking ourselves down. Imagine if the Academy of Motion Pictures had its members on-stage to heckle their own Oscar winners, or if an actor scathingly reviewed his own one-man show just as his audience filed in.

Plus, it’s not even funny.

Our only comfort is the knowledge that, perhaps because of this type of programing on LOGO, very few people nationwide watched this spectacle. Luckily, Guarino, who gushes, “I adore myself,” is his own biggest fan. Still, we won't judge him too harshly. (Freud however, would have a field day.)

Here’s the big gay take away: When we live in such a way that “do not mix,” it's alienating, lonely, sad and not good for anyone. Not for any one of us, LGBTQ or whatever. It’s not good for straight people, either. Nor white people, nor black, brown, yellow. However we look or identify, it’s not good for us to not mix, to not be open, to not learn from, to not appreciate, and to not try to enjoy each other. We all have to work together.

We realize we sound idealistic, here. But, you know what? It’s just more fun to live that way, too.

(We couldn't bear to watch the whole thing, but if you want to take a peak for yourself, click here. And, please, comment on the NewNowNext blog. They could use a clue from you today, because frankly, what they are serving there seems a little less than fresh.)

LOLGratitude

We interrupt this snark for a special lol, and thank you, to Anne Kronenberg - Harvey Milk's 24 year-old campaign manager - recently honored in the amazing film, Milk.


Today we concern ourselves with planning parties, but back in the day, Anne and Harvey were fighting unconscionable people and politics, at great personal risk. Harvey gave his life to the cause. As Harvey said in his Last Words:

"This is to be played only in the event of my death by assassination. I fully realize that a person who stands for what I stand for - an activist, a gay activist - becomes the target or the potential target of somebody who is insecure, terrified, afraid, or very disturbed themselves."

Unfortunately, while we party and lol, there are still plenty of insecure, terrified, and disturbed people in the world. And we should be standing up for ourselves, now. A sincere thank you to Harvey, and Anne, for showing us the way.

Read more about Harvey Milk, in Anne's own words, here. (Oh, and this movie totally breaks "The Bechdel Rule" but we still highly recommend it.)