Wednesday, February 13, 2008


We interrupt our usual lolcat speak to tell you a story about how we found ourselves not ROTF-LOLing when we stumbled upon the so-called “Sassy Commentary,” which aired alongside the NewNowNext awards program on LOGO. Stephen Guarino from LOGO's own “Big Gay Sketch Show” and comedian Mimi Gonzalez star as "two gays about to rip LOGO and its little awards show a new one." Sounds irresistible. (Also confusing! Considering that the NNN Awards air on LOGO TV.) Here are the top four lines from Guarino:

#1: His introductions
The big joke: Guarino introduces himself and then introduces Gonzalez as "Mimi Rodriguez."
Why it’s funny: She's Cuban after all, brown, and that sounds like a close enough name. When she calls him on his mistake, he's all "No Habla Espanol, okay?" Ha!
The lesson: Overt racism is funny. ROTFL!

#2: His knowledge base
The big joke: Guarino, who costars on “The Big Gay Sketch Show” with Rosie O’Donnell, Chastity Bono, Julie Goldman and Kate McKinnon, says, "Although I'm in gay programming, I'm very unknowledgeable about people. . . who don't have penises." Later, he says, “I only have one lesbian friend.”
Why it’s funny: He doesn’t know, like or need any women, including his coworkers and members of his community!
The lesson: Penisless people. Are they really people at all?

#3: His foot fetish
The big joke: In an out-of-the blue outburst, Guarino exclaims, "Ohh! Women's feet make me sick! Aughhhror! I'm gonna be sick!"
Why it’s funny: Women are gross.
The lesson: Men have better feet? Actually, we’re not sure what the lesson is here.

#4: His learning curve
The big joke: "I've been learning a lot about women who like women,” says Guarino. “I recently went to one of my first lesbian events, the GO Awards. I was the only man there, and I was scared for my life! That was the most aggressive, rough crowd - screaming, drunk, doing shots, whacking each others tits."
Why it’s funny: Lesbians are brutes.
The lesson: Women without men are scary.
Editor’s note: If anyone was there that night and roughly whacked tits, do tell! How did we miss such a great party?

After all this hilarity, Guarino concluded, “[Gay male and lesbian cultures] do not mix!” Gonzalez broke from her “she’s hot” commentary for a serious, albeit brief, moment, declaring, "I'm Old School Gay, and…we have to work together, because there are enough people trying to get us to fight each other. ACT UP, Lesbian Avengers, Queer Nation. Who remembers that? Not this generation!"

See, here's the thing about "sassy” commentary (a.k.a. snark). At its best, snark is smart cultural commentary, a funny way for the defenseless to chip away at the people in power. For teh gays, snarking evolved out of necessity—we may not be in a position of power but we can laugh at those who are! We can cheer our supporters and jeer our detractors. It’s The Little People's Weapon, and it has served us well. Snark is something "this generation" is supposed to understand. It’s not a way for us to pick on each other for no reason—that’s just petty meanness.

In this situation, the meanness is especially disheartening because it’s sponsored by our only TV network. So, effectively, we are taking ourselves down. Imagine if the Academy of Motion Pictures had its members on-stage to heckle their own Oscar winners, or if an actor scathingly reviewed his own one-man show just as his audience filed in.

Plus, it’s not even funny.

Our only comfort is the knowledge that, perhaps because of this type of programing on LOGO, very few people nationwide watched this spectacle. Luckily, Guarino, who gushes, “I adore myself,” is his own biggest fan. Still, we won't judge him too harshly. (Freud however, would have a field day.)

Here’s the big gay take away: When we live in such a way that “do not mix,” it's alienating, lonely, sad and not good for anyone. Not for any one of us, LGBTQ or whatever. It’s not good for straight people, either. Nor white people, nor black, brown, yellow. However we look or identify, it’s not good for us to not mix, to not be open, to not learn from, to not appreciate, and to not try to enjoy each other. We all have to work together.

We realize we sound idealistic, here. But, you know what? It’s just more fun to live that way, too.

(We couldn't bear to watch the whole thing, but if you want to take a peak for yourself, click here. And, please, comment on the NewNowNext blog. They could use a clue from you today, because frankly, what they are serving there seems a little less than fresh.)

1 comment:

The Dreaded Rhubarb said...

I'm impressed that Mimi Gonzalez managed not to snap his spine with one blow. Sometimes, it's the battle not fought that show greatest self control.

Seriously, twinky idiots like this are the reason I don't go on the gay scene anymore. Have they forgotten the 80's when certain people with the lowest risk of infection were relentless AIDS activists anyway?

I hate to stoop to his level but I have to say it: And he's not even pretty.